Death and Dying

Yes there is a difference between Death and Dying. Death comes without warning and dying creeps in to take over your life with a terminally ill death sentence, stamped with an approximate life expectancy date. My heart goes out to embrace all the children who are terminally ill, they remain their innocent self while becoming stronger than they should need to be at their young age. In the adult world; sadly knowing death is knocking at the door, many people begin to get their affairs in order, make amends if needed, all the while searching and hoping for a cure that won’t kill them quicker while they are dying to live. During these times, there are those people when given a death sentence who will remain their own sweet self. Other people will react like a sports participant, running around trying to better their lives and relationships with the people they know and love; but once the endorphins wear off, they return to their normality and begin the routine of home, doctor, home, doctor, home… until death do they part. Regrettably; other people will steadily remain their seemingly natural cruel self and depart this world as seemingly angry as they entered it.

The only similarities in Death and Dying is that no matter what, when it is your time to depart this earth, it is your time. Reminds me of a true story that occurred in one of our local nearby towns. An elderly lady was involved in a car accident, fortunately a minor fender bender; so she continued her drive home. Shortly afterwards; approximately two blocks away, another truck struck her car and instantly killed the elderly lady.

Face it people, none of us are going to get out of this world alive. I can not emphasis enough to get your affairs in order. Have two Wills, a Living Will and a Last Will. Get and keep your belongings sorted, make a notarized list of who gets what or what can be thrown away; do not leave this behind for those living. Going through your belongings after you’ve passed away is not an easy task; not only does it take an emotional toll on the heart, there are also somethings that are best left unknown about your life and should be deposed of before hand or at least in a box labeled, “Throw Out Upon my Death”.

Understand the difference between a Living Will and a Last Will. ^LegalZoom: “A will, also known as a last will, distributes a person's property after his death. A living will, on the other hand, explains what kind of medical care that person wants when he is still alive but unable to explain his wishes”

Also, I highly recommend a Living Trust instead of a Last Will. There are Lawyers who know the gray area in the laws that can allow a person to obtain Power of Attorney after a persons’ death in order to supersede the Personal Representative listed on a Will to also replace and exclude any appointed second Personal Representative.

^Nolo: "Property left through a living trust does not pass through probate. Property left through a will does go through probate. Probate is the court system designed to wrap up a person's affairs after their debts. Probate takes a long time, can be very expensive, and for most estates, isn't necessary."

As for when a loved one dies, with or without warning; forget the 5 or 7 Stages of Grief. There are no stages. Every emotion you could ever feel will rush through each and every fiber of your being; in one swift gut wrenching, heart shattering, mentally bewildered… longest moment in your entire life thus far. You will become angry with yourself wondering if you could have done more, you will question if in those final hours, did you do and say enough. You’ll doubt rather you had even said, I love you my dear Friend. It was then I truly understood just how deep friendship enters the heart, sometimes deeper than family members. I’ve probably only had 6 deaths of loved ones in my 50ish years. 4 family members, 2 friends, and have only been able to attend two of those funerals. But nothing can prepare anyone for being there when a loved one takes their last breath. Somehow though you will find the strength to be strong for them, offering comfort. And when the time comes; and it will and you will know when, in some way you will also find the strength needed to tell your loved one who has suffered enough, that ‘it is okay to go now’; all the while you are going to pieces inside.

And the closer you are to a loved one who has sadly passed away, the harder it is in that very moment, let alone daily to pick up the shattered pieces of what remains of your life and try to continue on. Two months later, I still cry without any warning and not always because a memory crept in my mind. Sometimes I just get this huge lump in my throat, then unexpectedly tears spontaneously burst from my eyes as if the very depth of my heart is weeping. Recently I was in the middle of an important job interview and my tears instantly streamed down my face, onto my resume. Did I get the job? No. Life goes on and a death is no excuse. The hospital bills start rolling in faster than the funeral. You call to make payment arrangements and the creditors knowing no payments were ever late in life, fear my friend may finally be late paying because of death. So they are quick to want to lay stake on the estate, no matter how small the estate is such as merely an automobile. And when I called the Vet to reorder the flea medicine prescription for my friend’s cat, I was denied. Angry, I merely said: after all the money my friend spent at your establishment, you are going to deny the cat flea meds because he is 1 pound over weight for the current dosage! (*Thinking to myself: Unless I agree to increase his flea meds and risk increasing his life expectancy because of 1 freaking pound.) I was quick to apologize for my outburst, however; immediately after the phone conversation, the Veterinarian Office Supervisor called; reprimanding me as if I were a child, stating a death is no excuse for my behavior. Yes people, there is no time or excuse for mourning; life goes on. So people, be as prepared as you can be in life for death while you continue to enjoy living. And mostly; when someone you cherish passes away, be ready to put on your pretend happy face while you are falling apart inside, because the majority of the living don’t give a damn about Death and Dying.

Related Posts:
How Did You Die? by Edmund Vance Cooke
Is God To Blame?
Cubical Human Rat Race

Lost and Found. On this emotional roller coaster called life; during crises, especially in regards to health and/or the death of a loved one, a persons' faith can be shaken. Yet for others in times of crises that tug on the heart strings, their faith is strengthened; while for other people, they find faith. -ndpthepoetress

Hello My Old Friend

Of tomato soup and eating raw meat
Black Eyed Susies and Black leopards
And to never give the gift of fireworks on a birthday in July
Some things the mind doesn't remember so well, what the hell
But in the heart continues to grow, the love of a Friendship from long ago

So hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times
To tell you I'm sorry, for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home
Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore


Related Posts: Ode to Friendship of Yore
Eric Clapton - Hello Old Friend

Ode to Friendship of Yore

Couplet 

Once a best Friend not seen in many years was introduced as 'an old Friend'; meaning only, this is a long time Friend of mine. However; the word 'old' was lost in misinterpretation and so forever gone the chance to redefine. ~ndpthepoetress (©BindingInk.org Jean M. Culp ©#75IB9956777)

I may not be the most important person in your life. I just hope that when you hear my name, you smile & say That’s My Friend! (I may not be the most important person in your life, but I just hope that when you hear my name you will just smile and say, “I miss this person”)

Operation SOS

Today My Friend you tell me, two weeks now you not take your medicines

Oh how I know you yearn for death

Even signed a no resuscitation form, no life support.

I understand my Friend that heart surgery merely let your heart mend

While the remnants of your fragile self still lingers in an unwanted life

Yet to hope for death by increased blood pressure or worse

Surely pain will torturously inflict first

Or create nurse maids of your Family.

Though depression be ever so deep My Friend

You need to reach out to those whom can Professionally help

Least vegetative state becomes your final resting place.

© - Jeane Michelle Culp

Friendship

To date, this Blog has presented imaginative control, added some humor to every day chores, and punned around with words on subjects from the Blues to Toast. This is because many musical compositions, songs, poems… have various articulated sentiments. Therefore; today I would like to talk about admiration. For everybody, undoubtedly there is someone to admire; rather this person be an Athlete, a Singer, an Author, or yourself. Likewise; you are tremendously Blessed - if the individual you have a high regard for, is also a Friend. For:

It can never be bought or borrowed or sold
A gift to be cherished,
True friendship is a treasure beyond compare
~author unknown


I am grateful to have this in my life. His name is D. G. Age to date, 75. Children: None. Race – irrelevant. His humor - a bonus! For example, he would take a ‘Beware of DOG’ sign and cross out the O. Yea, Beware of D. G.; Mister Lamb who would generously give anyone the wool from his last sweater.

In addition to Admiration, Friendship – if we are fortunate; into most hearts, there happens a ‘Once Upon a Time’, one True Love. And so it was for D. G. Him of youth, whence his hair glistened with color. The luck lady, bursting with youthful potentials. Though sadly; before womanhood could fully blossom or age naturally dye the hair, she died in a car crash. Understandably; D. G. would never love another, as he loved her. Later, various relationships came – went for him. Once a Girlfriend gave D. G. an alternative, ‘either your dogs go or I’. To date; D. G. remains a happily devoted Bachelor, always seen with a dog. The animal type that is, mutty and raggedy as himself. For many a day, D. G. will not a shave or bathe. His age now has turned those days into weeks.

As his Friend, I use to try and at least help keep his place clean. That was until, the fleas and roaches won. D. G. would bomb, spray… still the creepy crawlers sustained. Having either became insecticide resistant or fervent. Might this be from the steady crumbs, left out food, unkempt- unwashed pets…? D. G. consistently, would not clean up! Hello, even Bachelors can utilize a broom and soap.

Over the years; I naturally worried about his frail, slowly aging self. It had been nearly 25 years since he last agreed to visit a Doctor. For that reason; betweenst our phone calls, I periodically stopped by to check on D. G. There he was – characteristically unshaven, grubby. The usual odor from his residence reeked with extreme fetid smells. This day he sat, flicking some cockroaches inside an encrusted soup can. Had these infectious insects become his Friends? Ultimately I realized, D. G. was beyond help. For, “One can not help those whom do not want help”. ‘One can’t help those whom won’t help themselves first’. Nonetheless, my concern for him consumed my imagination. Fear, learning he died alone, roaches feasting on his remains. Like the horror story we hear about the Old Lady with numerous cats. She died alone, her carcass a banquet for the felines.

Over the years, no one could convince D. G. to improve himself or his residential conditions. Now he is greatly older and often I want to call the ‘Elderly Abuse line. Report him for ill-treatment of self. By chance, this year the health department intervened. D. G. was evicted from the rented dwelling. Sadly, he chose to move into a run–down, moreover crime ridden neighborhood. (Whose population will certainly intensify for lack of roach motels). Of course his dog resides with him! In fact, I spoke to D. G. the other day; asked why he didn’t enter an ‘Assisted Living’ place as we discussed. His answer, “I may be old, but I’m not stupid”. His new Neighbors are caring. However they as well; can not talk, hard-headed D. G. into going to a Doctor. Soon to be 76, trouble walking, blind in one eye, a hack- cough, D. G. has the nerve to tell me he is having trouble holding his urine.

Nevertheless; he is a person to be admired. Aside from his humor, despite his unhygienic ethics, there is a man with compelling principles. Values he nonchalantly, taught me. Standards that continue to guide me, like a Lighthouse in the dark. A constant compass point in my life. Many of us have at least one regret, we wish we could back and change. For D. G., his remorse came during his teenage time. At the beach - underneath a viaduct he strolled. Where two youngsters were raping a 16 year old, wheel chaired girl from his school. D. G. said he went initially to help her. Instead, in the process he got excited. End of story. Kids will be kids, has never been his slogan or excuse. The essential factor prevails; D. G. is genuinely remorseful for his involvement. While on the subject, some reason or the other; I asked D. G. his opinion concerning molestation. To this day, I clearly recall what he said; “Child molesters steal fruit before ripeness, stripping more than the flesh, they forever shred their victims childhood.”


The finest lesson I gather from D. G. is ‘the moment of truth’. He told how during his early years of bar hopping, while sitting on a bar stool - a voice inside him spoke, “You can either sit here until you become an alcoholic or you can get up, do something with your life”. D. G. has not been in a bar since. Most people see pink elephants, D. G. heard a voice. This voice he says is the moment of truth that speaks to everyone sometime in their life. You can listen to the voice or do nothing.

Yes, most people admire someone. However; if that person is additionally your Friend, wow! What a gem, what a treasure. For me, that person is D. G. ‘Warts and all’; nevertheless to me, he is a person to be admired, he is a Friend. And yes, I am Blessed to know him.

*Remember, you can comment anonymously; after all I go by the name Nom de plume ‘The Poetress’. Sure we ask for that crazy verification to be typed in, but that’s just to keep the ‘tin man’ away. So:

Whom do you admire? Is that person a Friend? What is your worst regret?