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Death and Dying

Yes there is a difference between Death and Dying. Death comes without warning and dying creeps in to take over your life with a terminally ill death sentence, stamped with an approximate life expectancy date. My heart goes out to embrace all the children who are terminally ill, they remain their innocent self while becoming stronger than they should need to be at their young age. In the adult world; sadly knowing death is knocking at the door, many people begin to get their affairs in order, make amends if needed, all the while searching and hoping for a cure that won’t kill them quicker while they are dying to live. During these times, there are those people when given a death sentence who will remain their own sweet self. Other people will react like a sports participant, running around trying to better their lives and relationships with the people they know and love; but once the endorphins wear off, they return to their normality and begin the routine of home, doctor, home, doctor, home… until death do they part. Regrettably; other people will steadily remain their seemingly natural cruel self and depart this world as seemingly angry as they entered it.

The only similarities in Death and Dying is that no matter what, when it is your time to depart this earth, it is your time. Reminds me of a true story that occurred in one of our local nearby towns. An elderly lady was involved in a car accident, fortunately a minor fender bender; so she continued her drive home. Shortly afterwards; approximately two blocks away, another truck struck her car and instantly killed the elderly lady.

Face it people, none of us are going to get out of this world alive. I can not emphasis enough to get your affairs in order. Have two Wills, a Living Will and a Last Will. Get and keep your belongings sorted, make a notarized list of who gets what or what can be thrown away; do not leave this behind for those living. Going through your belongings after you’ve passed away is not an easy task; not only does it take an emotional toll on the heart, there are also somethings that are best left unknown about your life and should be deposed of before hand or at least in a box labeled, “Throw Out Upon my Death”.

Understand the difference between a Living Will and a Last Will. LegalZoom: “A will, also known as a last will, distributes a person's property after his death. A living will, on the other hand, explains what kind of medical care that person wants when he is still alive but unable to explain his wishes”

Also, I highly recommend a Living Trust instead of a Last Will. There are Lawyers who know the gray area in the laws that can allow a person to obtain Power of Attorney after a persons’ death in order to supersede the Personal Representative listed on a Will to also replace and exclude any appointed second Personal Representative.

Nolo: "Property left through a living trust does not pass through probate. Property left through a will does go through probate. Probate is the court system designed to wrap up a person's affairs after their debts. Probate takes a long time, can be very expensive, and for most estates, isn't necessary."

As for when a loved one dies, with or without warning; forget the 5 or 7 Stages of Grief. There are no stages. Every emotion you could ever feel will rush through each and every fiber of your being; in one swift gut wrenching, heart shattering, mentally bewildered… longest moment in your entire life thus far. You will become angry with yourself wondering if you could have done more, you will question if in those final hours, did you do and say enough. You’ll doubt rather you had even said, I love you my dear Friend. It was then I truly understood just how deep friendship enters the heart, sometimes deeper than family members. I’ve probably only had 6 deaths of loved ones in my 50ish years. 4 family members, 2 friends, and have only been able to attend two of those funerals. But nothing can prepare anyone for being there when a loved one takes their last breath. Somehow though you will find the strength to be strong for them, offering comfort. And when the time comes; and it will and you will know when, in some way you will also find the strength needed to tell your loved one who has suffered enough, that ‘it is okay to go now’; all the while you are going to pieces inside.

And the closer you are to a loved one who has sadly passed away, the harder it is in that very moment, let alone daily to pick up the shattered pieces of what remains of your life and try to continue on. Two months later, I still cry without any warning and not always because a memory crept in my mind. Sometimes I just get this huge lump in my throat, then unexpectedly tears spontaneously burst from my eyes as if the very depth of my heart is weeping. Recently I was in the middle of an important job interview and my tears instantly streamed down my face, onto my resume. Did I get the job? No. Life goes on and a death is no excuse. The hospital bills start rolling in faster than the funeral. You call to make payment arrangements and the creditors knowing no payments were ever late in life, fear my friend may finally be late paying because of death. So they are quick to want to lay stake on the estate, no matter how small the estate is such as merely an automobile. And when I called the Vet to reorder the flea medicine prescription for my friend’s cat, I was denied. Angry, I merely said: after all the money my friend spent at your establishment, you are going to deny the cat flea meds because he is 1 pound over weight for the current dosage! (*Thinking to myself: Unless I agree to increase his flea meds and risk increasing his life expectancy because of 1 freaking pound.) I was quick to apologize for my outburst, however; immediately after the phone conversation, the Veterinarian Office Supervisor called; reprimanding me as if I were a child, stating a death is no excuse for my behavior. Yes people, there is no time or excuse for mourning; life goes on. So people, be as prepared as you can be in life for death while you continue to enjoy living. And mostly; when someone you cherish passes away, be ready to put on your pretend happy face while you are falling apart inside, because the majority of the living don’t give a damn about Death and Dying.

Related Posts:
How Did You Die? by Edmund Vance Cooke
Is God To Blame?
Cubical Human Rat Race

Lost and Found. On this emotional roller coaster called life; during crises, especially in regards to health and/or the death of a loved one, a persons' faith can be shaken. Yet for others in times of crises that tug on the heart strings, their faith is strengthened; while for other people, they find faith. -ndpthepoetress

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