What the Hell is Self-talk?
A short, comprehensive essay by Jeane Michelle Culp (ndpthepoetress)
And so I did, until I had to no more. ~ndpthepoetress
Self-talk, what the heck does that even mean. I can't just say, things will be okay; things will get better. Heck, my inner child knows better than that kind of talk; passive dismissive. Myself and I are joined at the hip, together toward a downward spiral, of rapidly losing all hope. 'Til one day; I heard my usual negative thoughts about myself, over and over; again and again. Then suddenly, like a long unanswered prayer; an unfamiliar self voice, from deep within the crevices of my mind, shouted; STOP, that is not me. I am not that way. I know how, who I am. I am a kind, caring, considerate,... person. It was at that moment, I truly understood what self-talk is. I had to stand up for me, myself, and I. Because; I had unwittingly, become my own worst critic. My thoughts were bullying me like my abusers had, and only I could save us from the bullies. And so my journey began; until the day I do not have to any more.
Like a scene out of 1Shuffle, (though admittedly, I've only started watching 30 minutes of that movie.) I could see the various ages in my life, passing before my eyes. And with each tear, I could feel every time I was abused.
So today; I burn the echoes of quotes about 'what you see in others is a reflection of yourself'; and 'you are what you attract'. Rather the reflection and attraction are from a vicious cycle, that unbeknownst; I had been attracting and tolerating. The same behavior from my past abusers, was now being extended by other people, who knew exactly how to demean me, by using my vulnerability against me.
Perhaps attraction really does exist, however; I wouldn't go as far as the seemingly cultish, "The Law Of Attraction". But if you can attract; I was no longer going to hold up a mirror for vindictive, abusive people to continue the cycle of abuse. As if giving myself ammunition to confirm my abusers browbeating words of I am no good, I am worthless, I'll never amount to anything, I don't deserve any better... NO more. I want to attract people who see the good in me, the small part in me that I know truly still does exist, despite the understandably, to somewhat of a degree; bitter person I'd become over the years.
Today the real self-talk begins for the betterment. Today I no longer will 'let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet' and trample my soul.
And so; let your self-talk begin. Start with NO. No I am not this, no I am not that way, No I am not ____, No I am not ____,... NO more negativity.
Instead; say to yourself: I am ____, I am ____, I am ____... (accentuate the positive).
In the process; may you start attracting that which clears your cloudy eyes. May instead, you start seeing through stained glassed windows of positive possibilities, that reflect healing light upon your inner child. And may you continue upon this new journey of encouraging self-talk in your life, until you need not any more.
Don't wait for your life to flash before your eyes, go on and love yourself today. Break the cycle!
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| Break The Cycle |
Written by ~ndpthepoetress (-Jeane Michelle Culp) of BindingInk.org 
You Are Watt Matters
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| "This above all- to thine own self be true" -Hamlet, Act I, Scene 3 |
1Movie: Shuffle ("Desperate to solve the mystery behind his wife's death, Lovell Milo (TJ Thyne, from the T.V. Series "Bones") is trapped living his life out of order. He is forced to piece together clues while waking up every day at a different age, on a different day of his life." (Release date : August 21, 2012 Actors : T.J. Thyne, Paula Rhodes, Tamara Taylor...)
Art from Tulsa Stained Glass
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