Menopause

As a Writer, there are times we must assume all roles, be it male or female. So Guys, this subject may not be for you, despite the fact that ‘men’ is included in the word. All the same, many may have read the story about “The Boy Who Cried Wolf”. “Chicken Little” the sky is falling, the sky is falling. Or heard the expression, “Liar, liar pants on fire”. And so it was with my two hen layers. They had become pathological liars. Oh yea, we’ll start on the first. Oh, we meant we would start on the first and the 20th. Or the 25th through the 10th. Oh, or we forgot! Did we startle you! Hence began the pathological passageway of scrutinizing the false alarmists. Talk about being hen pecked! One Doctor would poke here. Another Doctor would probe there. Here a henny penny, there a hen penny, everywhere a penny, until nothing made sense. Picture this, the only thing that did develop - was my two new friends, negatives and false positives. Meanwhile, I had become more cantankerous. Can’t take this, can’t take that – tetchy, touchy, tetchy. So I was given a daily dose of Artificial Happiness. Smile damn you, smile! Indeed, a hard pill to swallow. Once absorbed, I could almost hear the medication screaming, you want me to do what! This isn’t a chicken coop, it’s a pigs sty! Mother Nature had taken her path, a logical course. She had gone in like a thief in the night. Made a mess of everything, then at age 44 she robbed me of my womanhood. All that remained were unpredictable periods of rain, showers, storms, droughts…. Mostly showers. ‘Sew’ a Doctor suggested cauterization. What! Cauterized sounded like a word that belonged with neutered, spayed. Apparently, I had been acting like an animal, but cauterization! Um, yes solder the lining of your uterus. Then move the play pin - give everything a good dusting and cleaning. Sure why not! And while you’re there, give me a tubal ligation so my ovaries can be as tongue tied as I am speechless! That won’t be necessary, Ma'am’. This procedure however; will replace the hen layers with a Rooster featured weather vane to point more accurately. Well, poke me with a fork and call me done. Out with the old and in with the new, let the remodeling commence! And so, ‘Once upon a time’ youth prevailed. Now I must trade what is left of my youth for health, in hopes of living a ‘happy ever after.’ ~The End